wicker madness

What. The. H.

Listen. Many of my family collect a certain brand of basket, and I'm fine with that. Not my cup of tea, Kool-Aid or malt liquor, but I understand that everyone needs a hobby. It may be hypocritical of me to judge, because some might say I've had some questionable collections during my life...but surprise, I'm going to go ahead and judge anyhow.

The guy above should be drawn and quartered like William Wallace for agreeing to model this atrocity. There is no amount of money you could pay me to wear a picnic basket as a messenger bag. (And I'm not even going to acknowledge my feelings on soccer when detailing my dislike for the above scenario.) Speaking of money, how much would it cost me to purchase such a masculine accessory? $50? $100 How about $200!!! I guess $200 isn't too bad to go parading around looking like such a stud. (emphasis on parade and stud...wink, wink) Listen, I'm not insinuating that David Hernandez keeps his banana hammocks "pizza bistro uniforms" in this gem of a product...I'm just saying that I think it's ridiculous.

Come on, just think what you or I would spend $200 on. A down payment for a new flat screen TV? A few games for PS3? Perhaps you're thinking, "I bet he didn't buy it, I think his significant other did.". Listen, if MLW bought this for me, I would immediately drive her to the lawyers and ask for a divorce. If not there, I'd for sure be admitting her to some sort of intense psychiatric evaluations.

Where will the wickerization of this nation stop? Seriously, what's next? Will this company not be satisfied until I'm pissing in a wicker urinal at my next sporting event, or writhing in pain after a wicker cup failed to protect the family jewel's from a screaming line drive to the crotch? This is an issue I'd like Barrack, Hilary or McCain to address. It certainly might sway me in deciding our next Commander in Chief. I'm sure I'm not alone in this sentiment.

Some of you may not agree with my assesment...that's great, I'd be genuinely concerned, if not mildly disturbed, if everyone agreed with my every thought and whim. (although it would be nice if it happened more than once a year at home) *cough* I guarantee those that don't agree with me are currently pondering what pattern of liner would look nice in that urinal.