all you guys can blow

The above quote is straight from Randy Jackson's mouth. Yes, this can only mean one thing...MLW has brainwashed me into watching the soul devouring "American Idol".

Tonight the 12 guys that made it to Hollywood had their first crack at it. This is what I learned:

There's a dude that sounds like a muppet

A dude named Jacuzzi

A dude that (self admittedly?) looks like Ellen

And one that (that the Cheese admittedly thinks) looks like a young Travolta in dreads

Most noticeably, I learned that this show has more lisps than you can shake a rainbow flag at

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But seriously, back stage must look like a Wednesday night at Elton John's. (or perhaps a Tuesday afternoon at Siegfried and Roy's?) Okay, alls I'm trying to say is that I haven't seen this many effeminate men in one place since my TV got stuck on the Disney Channel.

I honestly think I may need to drink some whiskey and listen to some Johnny Cash to detox. Maybe hunt a caribou with my bare hands.

Another Jackson quote particularly stood out for me. He described one of these "guys" performances as reminding him of Alice in Chains. I held back my dry heaves as I explained to MLW that not only did Layne Staley roll in his grave...he rolled right out of it, found the nearest crank dealer, and immediately OD'd again. Holly 'H', Clay Aiken must have sounded like early Metallica to these douche bags.