Master of their domain

As a Mets fan, I'm often left scratching my head, saying things like, "What are they thinking?!", or "Well, that was a 'genius' move.", or "Someone please talk me off this ledge or I'm really going to do it this time.".

Even this off season, I'm curious as to what their plan is to ensure the abortion that was last season does not repeat itself anytime soon. Well, one of my first answers was announced today:

Hernandez, SNY reach an agreement: Commentator to remain with club, network through 2011

Scoff at the notion, but I firmly believe this is a step in the right direction. Slowly the Mets have been surrounding themselves with players from the 86' World Series team. This can only be a good move. Below is a list of former players with current ties to the organization:

• Ron Darling- SNY color commentator and studio analyst
• Bob Ojeda- SNY pre-game and post-game studio analyst
• Wally Backman- manager of Mets' class-A affiliate-Brooklyn Cyclones
• Howard Johnson- Mets hitting coach
• Keith Hernandez- SNY color commentator
• Tim Teufel- manager of Mets' class-double A affiliate- Binghamton Mets
• Darryl Strawberry- SNY analyst

And here is a list of former players not currently affiliated with the team, but I, of course, have offered a few suggestions to pull them in to the fold:

• Sid Fernandez- Team Cook/ Dietitian
• Dwight Gooden- Team Narcotics Distributionist
• Roger McDowell- The "Patch Adams" of the bullpen...keeping those guys loose and their feet hot. At the very least, teaching them how to spit a magic loogie.
• Randy Myers- Team Ambassador of Nastiness
• Gary Carter- Top Campaigner for unavailable Managerial Position
• Ray Knight- 86' World Series MVP and only member of team I've ever met in person...so yeah, not the greatest title to have (or fit on business card) but he should probably be involved somehow...can't be worse than current job. Washington Nationals broadcaster.
• Dave Magadan- Currently Red Sox Hitting Coach (he backed up HoJo and Hernandez on the field, he should back them up here too)
• Lenny Dykstra- Team financial advisor; Tobacco Czar
• Kevin Mitchell- Ambassador of Craziness- used to make everyone else seem "sane"
• Mookie Wilson- Needs to be visible during home games. Perhaps a ball boy. Just so the fans can chant, "Mooooooooooooooooooooooooookie!".

As you can see, I've put way too much thought into this, but I feel anything that can bring back that Championship attitude (without too much of the nose candy that accompanied that era) can't be a bad thing.

Somethings are worth coming out of semi-retirement for...

Mainly this:Not just rocking out with a keytar...but a camouflage keytar...I imagine this is what Liberace would have played if he was from West Virginia.

I can't help myself

This video has it all. Seabass, a bear, the winter classic jerseys...

A "grammatically correct" yet "unfortunate use" of parentheses

Woman killed by falling tree was an "awesome person," relative says

This is how I picture this story in my head...

Porn-blaring man ordered to take anger-management classes

Not sure which would make me smile more...would the real life story be funnier if this is how the guy blared the porno, or would the movie have been better if Lloyd Dobler stood outside of Diane Court's window and blared the porno instead of Peter Gabriel? It probably will remain one of life's unanswered questions.

Truthfully, blaring Peter Gabriel probably would have done the trick in the real life example.

State Trophies

Somewhere Dr. T is hoping that the World Series Trophy doesn't puke all over the Lombardi Trophy and Stanley Cup.

Source: Pennlive

I'm (not) Keith Hernandez

Coming soon to the Louvre (or my family room)

trouble oh trouble please be kind

Here's a reply (not from me) from a blog site (no, not this one):

I, too, am profoundly disappointed in Pearl Jam lately, as what they’re doing is so completely in contradiction toward everything they’ve stood for and fought for in the last 20 years. I deeply respected them, looked up to them and am inspired by them to be true to myself, stand up for what I believe in, and take care of other people. They’ve broken their own sense of selves with the latest hypocrisy over the latest album, censoring everything they can, and the control - whoah - is comparable to corporate actions. I’m stunned, and can’t look at the same way I once did.

They’re nothing now but conforming sell-outs. What a sad day it is for the real fans, that they claim to care so much about. And for those who disagree, I’ve seen other bands, in this recession, give so much to their fans; their thanks, free music, their love. I’m not feeling any love from Pearl Jam, just their need for control, privacy and more profits. A re-release of an album with expensive packages during difficult economic times? Is this taking care of us — or using us for more income for them??

Hmmmm....

You may be asking yourself, "Oh my lord, what did PJ do? Did they kick someones baby? Throw some puppies off a cliff? Did they force someone to listen to Spencer and Heidi's 'music'? Or did they tell all their fans to f off, we don't need you?"

No. They asked a blogger to remove a song from their web page. And by "they" I mean management. Not Ed. Not Stone. Not Mike, Jeff, Matt or even Boom. (although if it was Boom, I wouldn't mess around.) The song in question happens to be an unreleased track from the new album. A track that was recorded at a secret event at the Showbox in Seattle. This event turned out to be a commercial shoot for PJ's upcoming album release for Target. Shooting this commercial? None other than Cameron Crowe.

So the fact that management had a blogger, a site I visit and enjoy mind you, take down an unreleased song that may or may not have something contractually to do with Target is causing so many people to get their Doc Martins in a bunch and "break-up" with Pearl Jam. Gotcha. Somehow I think they're going to be okay.

And listen, I know I'm not the one that was on the phone with this guy from management for a 1/2 hour, so I can't comment on how big of a douche he was or wasn't. I guess I just don't see what the big deal is. People are acting like they set the American Flag on fire and blew their nose with the Constitution.

-------------------------

Lets revisit the reply post from above. This dude is complaining that Pearl Jam isn't giving anything free away during the recession. I could be mistaken, but I don't believe Mike McCready is going to pluck this guy's eyes out with one of his picks if he doesn't purchase any PJ merchandise, yet he is complaining about the re-release of Ten and its packaging.

I can't believe I can't afford a swimming pool or solid gold underpants. They should be tossing those out at soup kitchens. You know what? The re-release is kind of steep for me at the moment too...so guess what? I DIDN'T BUY IT!!!! Am I angry? No. I got a chance to look at one, and it's really, really, really nice. I'm happy they're putting out so much cool stuff. It's nice to have options. (and self control)

I remember when we had to pay $50 + dollars for bootlegs. Now they sell sound board quality recordings for 14$. I guess if they really cared about the fans they'd make it an even $20 so we wouldn't have all this change for the strip clubs church offering.

I've decided against posting the site where all the drama originated from, but if you search for it, it's out there. I just think it's kinda silly. If a song getting pulled from a web page is the worst part of your week, then I'd have to assume you're doing alright.

Time to go put my soap box away and return you to your previously scheduled homogeneous blog with random links with moderately funny commentary.*

*in my head

losing your wallet doesn't sound so bad anymore

I know, I know...you're probably tired of reading all these "missing ATM machines found in creek" stories. Well humor me with one more:

An automated teller machine has been found in the Conodoguinet Creek in Cumberland County, but police don't know who it belongs to.
The ATM was discovered last week by kayakers in an area off Grahams Woods Road in West Pennsboro Township, state police said. Anyone who has had an ATM stolen may contact state police at Carlisle at 717-249-2121.

Lesson learned. Don't go kyaking with your ATM folks.

mad world

MLW will get angry at me for wishing the summer away as I sometimes do, but damn am I looking forward to August.



Getting sharpie out of desk and crossing out June 1....

fadtabulous

In trying to keep up with the latest social media fads, I've created a low light years twitter feed. Already at one post, I'm on pace for three a year. (see widget at right for more hilarious banter)

a want or a need?

Awesome

the return of.... Product Spotlight!

No explanation needed:
Found this little gem at KurtenTees. "Slight" chance this will arrive on my doorstep in 7-9 days.

punch out

Not sure where this GIF originated, but I found it over at the sports/comedy blog, With Leather . Too good not to share:

I can't take my eyes of this. If ESPN put this on a continual loop, I'm sure it would pull in a higher rating than the WNBA Finals.

EDIT: GIF no longer appears to be working. So here's a comercial for the new punch out game for the wii. (special guest appearance by The Wire's, State Senator Clay Davis*)


*sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiit

lazy link

While I search for time/ inspiration to do something on my own, I'll fill the void with another link:


This time it's a well written plea for the CW to save Reaper. My ten cent review:


It's a show, that I don't get crazy pumped to watch like Lost, but always enjoy the hell out of it. In a sense, it's sort of like a butterscotch krimpet. I'm never really craving one, but always find myself enjoying it immensely. Reaper is light, sweet, and always provides a few chuckles. Just don't confuse it for it a tandy cake.

Bleu, Blanc, et Rouge, but mostly black and blue

So...ever have an idea about writing something, whether it be an epic novel (ala Moby Dick) or a blog post (ala this one), and then someone else gets around to it before you...and "maybe" did a better job?

Right...that might have happened to me. I planned on writing about the hot topic de jure in the NHL...the ticky-tack suspensions and inconsistencies of the league enforcing these wimpified penalties in the playoffs.

Well, Puck Daddy over at Yahoo got around to it first. (damn use guys whose actual job is to write this stuff!)

On to plan B....Moby Dick II: The Wrath of Dick.

frank the tank vs. wild

This should be awesome.

LOS ANGELES — Will Ferrell says it was a thrill to join adventurer Bear Grylls for an icy episode of Discovery Channel's "Man vs. Wild." The channel said Wednesday that Ferrell and series host Grylls spent two days in Sweden's mountains and glaciers for a "Man vs. Wild" special. With Grylls as his guide, Ferrell rappelled down frozen waterfalls, scavenged for food in the forest — including reindeer eyeballs — and improvised snow shoes from saplings. Ferrell said being part of "Man vs. Wild" was the "thrill of a lifetime." In turn, Grylls said he did an amazing job in unforgiving
conditions. The episode is set to air in early June, coinciding with the release of Ferrell's new comedy-adventure film "Land of the Lost."

Heh...eating reindeer eyeballs. Bear Grylls thought he'd be grossing out Frank...unfortunately he didn't realize that eating reindeer eyeballs is part of the initiation process for Lambda Epsilon Omega.

Oh please let this be true...

Just once, I'd love for a State DVD release statement/ rumor/ comment to be true (via movieweb.com):

It seems that one highly-acclaimed cult-classic TV series will finally be coming to DVD this summer. Sci Fi Wire recently caught up with Thomas Lennon while promoting his upcoming film 17 Again, and he said that The State will finally be coming to DVD in a full-series set on July 14.

"July 14th," Lennon said in a news conference on Sunday in Beverly Hills, Calif. "For real: Bastille Day. The whole g--damn thing. I have no idea why it's coming out on Bastille Day, but it's coming out on Bastille Day."Lennon also revealed why it had taken so long for the series to come to DVD: issues with the music rights and the fact that the hardcore fanbase isn't overwhelmingly large."There was a lot of music clearance issues, and then, you know, it's a cult show," Lennon said. "The fans are die-hard, but there's not tons and tons of them."Lennon also said there would be deleted scenes and commentaries on the set.

Please insert your favorite State line here:

Yeah...another facial hair related post

I couldn't resist...this is awesome:

By June, if I don't look like Tom Hanks right before he gets off the island in Cast Away (spoiler alert) then the B's didn't fair so well and you may not want to bring any of this up to me until at least December...maybe January of 2010.

it all makes sense now

Video of the year contender right here:



The Wright Stache Inspiration from The Wright Stache on Vimeo.

base running drills with sid bream

So tonight's the annual fantasy baseball draft, and we're doing it at the good doctor's childhood home. Ahhh...love the smell of nostalgia in the morning. I couldn't be more excited. Was doing a little research and came across this little nugget:

The numbers beside the names of the players indicate the projected round they may be drafted. DND = Do Not Draft. Ladies and gentleman* your 2009 Pittsburgh Pirates!!!

*(I know, no ladies or gentleman in Pittsburgh)

last boy scout rip-off

This is going in my scrap book of evidence to convince the little cheese not to play soccer. (or move to Iraq)

Also, I wouldn't bet against this guy being a suspect.

a sign I may need to get a life

Due to a struggling economy and a format change, The Adam Carolla Show prematurely ended Friday. Needless to say I am extremely devastated mildly bummed.


I thought it was one of the smartest, funniest, fastest, most entertaining things I've ever heard on the radio. (perhaps any medium) Anything I write here will not do it justice. It had a perfect balance and blend of highbrow/ lowbrow and it was done in a way that you felt a a connection to the show. Though the main attraction remained Adam Carolla, he had plenty of capable supporting cast by way of guests and staff that molded the show into something great. The fact that everyone on the show seemed to pull their own weight and care for each other, made them endearing to the listener. (specifically the interaction between Adam, Teresa Strasser and Bald Bryan)

To say I will miss occupying over 15 hours of any given week listening to this beloved show is a wild understatement. I'm not sure what I will drown out the voices in my head with now. (show tunes? Chris Brown?)

Carolla will be giving the hardcore fans (i.e. addicts) a self described "hit" in the form of a podcast, starting tomorrow. For the time being, it will be a condensed and stripped down version in contrast to what we were used to hearing on the radio show. I'm hoping a little Carolla goes a long way. I mean, where else am I going to listen to a grown man rant about red turn arrows, taxes, and Ty Pennington?

Ace, you will be missed...can't wait to see what the future brings.

Your link to the methadone clinic: LET'S GET IT ON!!! (line)

Coming soon...an update on a previous filler of my iPod. (you got it...more unsolicited ABBA news!)

link of the week

Courtesy of Filmdrunk. Yes, that's a Neverending Story mural on a van.

things that make you go hmmm....

If I had a stronger inner voice when dealing with social commentary I might be able to spew a Carolla-like rant based on the contrasts of the underlined stories. Or if this had to do with Spring Training, Fantasy Hockey, or "Lost" theories you may be looking at a 100,000 word dissertation. As it is, you're dealing with me, so I just decided to underline the perceived irony. Microsoft paint is such a crutch.

The Answer

Prepare yourself for possibly your only NBA nugget of news this year decade from this site. (sorry hulkstillrules17055) I typically don't post things from "The Association", but felt this had to be shared. As is the norm, this story is already three - four days old.

(what?....I get my info via carrier pigeon and/or smoke signals.)

(Which was the cause of my incorrect posting of the "Joaquin Phoenix impregnates Obama with 8 embryos in an attempt to stimulate the economy" story. Turns out, it was just the local Denny's on fire.)

On to the NBA story of the year-

ALLEN IVERSON CUT HIS BRAIDS:

The End.

maybe the greatest user submission ever?

Since I'm woefully inept at internet trickery, I am unable to post the actual video on lly. Anyhow, this taste of awesomeness comes from our buddy, Yambags via his buddy Greg, via some website called "Bunny with Fangs". Sounds like a reputable site. Probably nothing to be worried about.

Without further ado... Eddie Vedder singing hotel karaoke.

untethered thoughts

• Michael Phelps should send A-Rod a huge Valentine thank you for stealing the attention away from him.

What he should send: A Chip n Dale's poster.

What he will send: Weed.

• Coincidentally, Jessica Simpson had already sent Michael Phelps some high wasted jeans and some unflattering belts.

Those too, were sent to A-Rod.

• Lets hold out judgement on the hole Chris Brown/ Rihanna thing until we hear the whole story...maybe she called him the Clay Aiken of R&B.
  


• Favorite username I've seen today: MoreOrelHershiser
  


• I still haven't heard a real reason why there wasn't more of a review (or A review) of the last play of the super bowl.
  


• I could listen to Christain Bale scream the phone book at someone 24-7.
  


• Last night's 24 had some great lines:

President: How do I know I can trust you? Blah, blah, blah....

Jack Bauer: (grimacing/growling) Ask around.

Gut Feeling Movie Reviews: Oscar Edition

That's right, our favorite (only) running segment has returned. This time I'll be reviewing the five Best Picture nominations. As luck (life) would have it, I have not seen any these fine (above average) films.

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

There is some worry that this film will not break even. I think they would have made the dough they wanted and not ruined their "artistic integrity" if they tweaked it by calling it "The Curious Case of Benjamin Butt-Head". You have to admit, a cameo by the great Cornholio would have been tremendous.

For those doing the math at home, Brad Pitt with no shirt is less than a crudely drawn cartoon from the 90's laden with 6th grade humor.

FROST/NIXON

I feel like I've already seen this movie. I believe it was called, "Point Break".

MILK

Was a bad choice...

THE READER

What an exciting title! I'm sure they didn't want to oversell this bad-boy. I would have called this, "Hot Librarians on Roller Skates". I can't promise you it has anything to do with libraries or books...or even roller skates, but it's going to grab the attention of your average meat-head a little faster than what it's got going for it now.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Spoiler alert...Regis isn't anywhere in this movie. Plenty of people have tried to get refunds after this heartbreaking revelation. They feel they were cheated from his quick wit and zany anecdotes. Otherwise, it's been called, "This years 'Little Miss Sunshine', only a little more ethnic and a lot less Steve Carell".

Kobe could have used these in Colorado

I found this to be amusing, and I haven't seen it on TV. Although I don't watch basketball and am not enamored with Kobe, so yeah...full disclosure, yada, yada, yada...

oh hey...fancy seeing you here

So yeah...lowlightyears has been on what were just going to call a "winter break". Well schools back in session and I've been cramming for my ultimate frisbee mid-term.*

*I don't even know what I mean by that. (all I know is it makes more sense the Seacrest trying to high five the blind guy on idol the other night)

BABY IT'S COLD OUT SIDE

Seriously, it's freezing out. Literally. If there's a silver lining to this cool, crisp, Canadian air, it's that many of my favorite shows have found there way back to my living room. (via the magic of digital TV) Which reminds me...

{public service announcement}REMEMBER RABBIT EAR USERS, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE F'd in FEBRUARY, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY. PLEASE JOIN US IN THE 21st CENTURY{/public service announcement}

Potential post on these shows at a later date. (I try not to make promises on here anymore...I'm way too unreliable to keep this current, or even semi-current)

IF NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS, THEN GOOD NEWS IS WHAT?

This past week was the winter press tour for networks to trot out news about current shows, pilots and show cancellations. Here are a few personal highlights:

• NBC gave us a look at the pilot script, a mockumentary in which Amy Poehler and Aziz Ansari play a mid-level bureaucrats in a parks and recreation department in a small town in Indiana, and Rashida Jones plays a local woman pressing them to put together a new public works project in an open pit next to her apartment building. (My input- A Rec. Dept? I never knew such a job existed. Wonder if they're like forrest rangers? Or better yet, army rangers...hopefully not Power Rangers. It's probably just one big epsisode of Yogi Bear.)

"Come back with my pic-inic basket!!"

• In the most exciting development of the day, "The Office" has cast Idris Elba -- aka Stringer Bell from "The Wire" -- as Michael's new rival from Dunder-Mifflin corporate. (SWEEEEEEET)
  
• Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner on his contract negoations with AMC and the possibility of season three starting on time, "I wish I had something to tell you," he said. "It will be decided, one way or the other, very soon. And I had an amazing year, and I love doing the show."

• Oh yeah, Fox cancelled Prison Break as well. I don't watch it, but hopefully they found their way out of prison by now.